Looking for a place to live in Guadeloupe, a brief guide

27 Jan

>Ah the search for a home. To rent. To buy. Peu importe: it’s still a hassle to search, find, lose. What’s fun though is watching people show you a home they’d like to get commission for renting or selling. I’ve broken it down to three major types of sellers (keeping in mind this particular list is for renting, not buying) here on the island. I thought I’d post them in case anyone is ever looking in the neighborhood. Y’know, as a guide.

Type NMPWMP:
Also known as: Not My Problem, Where’s My Phone.
This type of domicile recommend-er is best know for his/her uselessness beyond the showing of the space, accompanied by utter lack of follow through of any kind. He/she does successfully bring keys to the showing of the space, and will answer questions with some version of ‘I don’t know but I’ll ask’, or ‘I don’t know, and the owner doesn’t know either’. NMPWMP will check his/her phone during the home showing constantly, most likely to connect with friends about the days goings-on, entirely unrelated to the showing of the home. NMPWMP is not to be expected to be entirely present at showings, so proceed with caution if asking important questions. NMPWMPs can move quickly or slowly. They come dressed well, and they come dressed in pyjamas while smoking hand rolled cigarettes. This is a slippery one.

Type NKSC:
Also known as: No Keys, Super Cheery
This type of domicile recommend-er is known for his/her cheery disposition. This can lead to an impression of effectiveness, but do not be fooled. Despite the cheery outlook, Type NKSC arrives on site often times without a key to the prospective home, or a code to access the large gate surrounding a residence. Legend says NKSC’s have led eager families (including some women in skirts) in climbing tall barriers and peering through windows, all to access a residence without a key. Your viewing of your future home with an NKSC will be pointless: you will view more pictures of the home online than in person. Lesson learned: when you make an appointment to view a home, ask directly if they will have the keys or if the home will be open when you arrive. NKSC needs reminding of this small but important detail. NKSC does not in fact consider it an obstacle to have forgotten keys or codes.

Type ANGD:
Also known as: Appears Nonchalant, but Gets it Done.
This type of domicile recommend-er is best known for leaving you with a feeling of complete confusion. While almost on time for appointments, she/he moves slowly but not with purpose. She/he appears to have all the answers in an acceptable amount of time, and responds to your inquiries via phone within a day of the day promised. This is impressive, and unusual. In spite of all the good timing, ANGD somehow leaves you feeling entirely unsure of the validity of the responses due to her/his nature: nonchalant. One cannot be entirely sure due to the amount of nonchalance if the responses are real, or simply a going through of the motions. Normally in the end, ANGD gets the job done. Sometimes it’s too late as your doubt was too much, and you moved on, as one would in a bad relationship. Proceed with minimal amount of caution but maximum amount of patience.

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